ah

seriously am in the lowest state of my life like ever.

first, school has been quite something. The transitional process from a slacking out Australian high school to the hardworking Singaporean university is quite something. Homework, group projects and readings are overflowing like there's no tomorrow. I am quite able to manage everything but seriously, I've never as busy as now.

second, the laptop also has been quite troublesome. In the midst of my research for my group work, suddenly it just died on me. Apparently, the cable for the adaptor was opened and melted. Therefore, my laptop is 100% dead. What's worse? All of my data [which means almost everything] is there. So I need to drag my lazy ass down to either sim lim or funan.

third, parents are a nuisance. I called the rents last night, just to get a further nag from the mum. At first I called because I need to talk with the dad regarding of his friend. Then I will sound not like a filial daughter if I don't talk to the mum right? Nag nag nag nag nag nag.

fourth, this particular friend of mine has never been as troublesome as before. he called during my class twice although I didnt pick it up. When I called him back, it's more like such a small problem and if the solution includes me, everybody else would be happy. like hell.

ur "I don't want to use you" is just a bullshit. I know the location of my apartment is just behind the bar, but please lah. U expect me to go drinking until AM comes then let you guys stay at my place for few hours? For god's sake I don't even know your friends. And puhleezzz, no more excuses.

fifth the bad habit of smoking kicks in again. somehow I can find a sense of serenity. Yes, that means sitting outside the library, puffing some smokes and just stare at the sky. yeah yeah, blame me for that.

sixth. somehow I need to contain all of these inside and smile like nothing has happened.


maybe I should have taken that Australian Uni offer
maybe I should have bought a new laptop
maybe I should have not called the rents
maybe I should stay away from that friend
maybe I should stop smoking
maybe I should just smile and say it out loud to everyone that am ok.

ah. a lot of maybe and if only. I dont know how my life would be if I took all of that steps.

by the way. special thanks to Mike for the late counselling session last night. =D